


Not Throwin' Away My Shot

by jupiterwrites



Series: Just You Wait [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brainwashed Peter Parker, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, F/M, Hydra (Marvel), Hydra Peter Parker, M/M, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Beta Read, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Gets a Hug, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Tags May Change, Therapy, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, We die like men in this house.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-12 18:43:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21481078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jupiterwrites/pseuds/jupiterwrites
Summary: It crawled onto the ceiling with a precision that had been practiced, skin prickling over the scars as it remembered the punishment for falling. It would never fall, it would never fail.The gleaming red and gold metal below it taunted it, mocking in a silent way akin to the stares it got from its father, it's master. The red and gold were evil, and it knew this well for its father would never lie.Tony Stark was evil, and the Spider would cleanse the world with his blood.Father demands it.AKA: Hydra!Peter. I've been wanting to write this for a while, so take it if you want. "Teen and Up" rating for violence and language, tags may shift, and all that.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & Everyone, Peter Parker & Thor, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Tony Stark/Pepper Potts
Series: Just You Wait [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1548346
Comments: 16
Kudos: 132





	1. Chapter 1

The spider flexed its fingers, popping each of its knuckles as it breathed out slowly. Its breath swirled in the air even through the mask it wore, white clouds puffing and floating away from its grasp. It jumped powerfully and grabbed desperately at the lines of air vents going across the grey concrete. Sharp cold pain entered its hands, and it bit its tongue to keep a hiss inside. It climbed inside the vent and started forward, not stopping to blow the hot clouds onto its fingers to ease the pain. Machines don’t get cold, that was something humans did. 

And it was  _ definitely  _ not one of those.

Humans were gross, all-destroying machines that took more than they gave, killed more than they made. Humans were predators on prey that did nothing to them. Humans were heartless, murdering monsters. That’s what the spider was for, it would set the world right, starting with The Avengers. 

The spider had heard plenty about The Avengers, almost too much. What they did made its stomach churn and eyes squint in a calculating coldness that was programmed to look like anger. The spider was told of the plots of The Avengers to encase the world in metal to block the souls from heaven. It learned and listened deeply when educated about Sokovia and how The Avengers took a chunk of the earth away and slammed it back down, killing thousands. The spider knew of Tony Stark and his god complex, and of Ultron. In some ways, the spider admired Tony Stark. He was smart and well-spoken and a great manipulator, something that the spider was saving up to ask to be programmed with. But then the spider would see Stark’s outside skeleton, his “armor”, and how he painted it with the blood he gained from his weapons, and then the spider would lose all admiration in its body. 

The spider shook. It couldn’t admire, couldn’t be fond. Those were disturbances in its code, flaws. It had no flaws, no damage nothing wrong. 

After that was over, the spider continued down the air vent. Its face was lowered to the metal grates, listening for voices it recognized and looking for the blood metal. Its fingers were going numb from the cold, and that was good. The programming for resistance was setting in, the only side effect soon would be strange-colored lips. It looked around and finally,  _ finally,  _ it heard. 

“ _ Stark, we’re clear on the east side. _ ”

“Good job, spangled. I’m gonna clear out this section then rendezvous back at the entrance.”

“ _ Still with the spangled? _ ”

“Hey, as soon as I stop finding American-flag-print boxers in the laundry room, I’ll cool it with the nicknames.”

_ Stark,  _ the spider thought, carefully peeling up the grate and sliding onto the outside of the vent. The other voice, the one called “Spangled” sounded muffled and distant. It sounded like the voices that would come through the box on the wall of the spider’s room when the door was still sealed shut. The voice didn’t matter, it wasn’t trained in that one. it was hyper-aware of Stark’s voice, and that’s what it heard. 

It crawled onto the ceiling with a precision that had been practiced, skin prickling over the scars as it remembered the punishment for falling. It would never fall, it would never fail. The gleaming red and gold metal below it taunted it, mocking in a silent way akin to the stares it got from its father, it's master. The red and gold were evil, and it knew this well for its father would never lie. Tony Stark was evil, and the Spider would cleanse the world with his blood. 

Father demands it.   
  
  


“ _ Tony, there’s some really messed up shit here. _ ”

“Oh, really? Give me a rundown.” Tony flicked his wrist, a strong light coming from the palm of the gauntlet as he walked around the abandoned HYDRA base. He and the team were doing some scouting work dealing with the aforementioned Russian-Germanic or  _ whatever _ psychopaths. The area Tony was in seemed especially abandoned, with no sign of life or intelligence within his sight. He looked over what looked like holding cells but decided to leave those be when he saw what looked like a child’s corpse. It all made him sick. 

“ _ There are several notebooks here with listings of child experimentation, trying to make them enhanced. _ ” Disgust dripped from Natasha’s voice, but that was a given. “Children,  _ Tony. _ ”

“Yeah, ick.” The billionaire scoffed, thinking back at the skeleton. This place didn’t look like it was packed up in a hurry, or if it was they kept coming back to gather more things, Either way, they left someone here. To die. Not cool.

“At least we’re the only ones left here, so snoop all you want.”

“ _ No, Stark, _ ” Wanda said hurriedly. “ _ No, I don’t think we are. _ ”

“ _ Wait, what? Tony, you said this place was completely empty!”  _ Steve shouted. 

“I thought it was!” Tony exclaimed, about to either smack Rogers or grab the team and book it. If HYDRA was there, then this was a trap. And a fucking  _ good  _ one. “Wanda, how many?”

“ _ One- _ ” Wanda gasped a little, and Tony could hear Clint calling her name. “ _ One, a child- he’s angry and  _ behind-”

Tony would have loved to hear the rest of that message, but it was cut short by a very strong blow to the back of his helmet. He stumbled forward, light flickering out as he heard something thud to the ground behind him. He spun around, the whirring of his blaster charging up filling his ears as he was met with the face of what could have been an infant. He was small,  _ insanely  _ skinny, with brown hair and blank brown eyes. Tony could see hollowed-out cheekbones just beyond where a mask sat on his face, similar to the one Bucky wore when he was the Winter Soldier. It was a HYDRA mask, a HYDRA child.

“Stark,” the boy hissed, and if Tony wasn’t, well  _ Tony,  _ he would have been startled by the amount of venom in his voice. “I have orders to carry out you and The Avengers public execution. You must die for the crimes you have put upon this innocent earth.”

“Well, hello to you too!” Tony said, sarcastically cheery. “You guys hearing this? Squirt’s gonna host our  _ public execution. _ ”

“ _ It’s what they put in their heads, Tones. That belief that we’re the crazies. _ ” Steve hissed into the com. “ _ I’m on my way to your position. Try not to kill him, alright?” _

“Wasn’t planning on it. Now, what can I call you?” He asked the kid, a pang in his heart when Steve spoke because a year ago he  _ might’ve,  _ but he wouldn’t now.

“I have no name, for I do not deserve one.” The Russian lilt to his voice broke with the sentence. “I am not called anything but the spider, the soldier. It is what I am and all that I will be, all that I will be is the killer of the Avengers. I will carry out my father’s orders!” 

“Your pop? Jeez, guess we both have daddy issues.” Tony winced inwardly when he saw the kid’s vein pop in his forehead. He was keeping a lot back.  Tony winced inwardly when he saw the kid’s vein pop in his forehead. He was keeping a lot back. “Why don’t we have a chat-”

“We will not  _ talk,  _ murderer!  _ You  _ will  _ DIE! _ ” Suddenly, this ‘spider’ lunged forward and wrapped a pale hand around the neck of the suit, and took Tony to the ground. He brought his elbow on the eyes of the mask and the glass cracked with the pressure. This kid was strong, no doubt.  Tony fired the blasters on his hands, pushing him off the ground and the kid into the air. He tried to pin the boy, but a quick twist and he had dodged, eyes suddenly on one of the doorways. Steve’s shield whizzed by Tony, and the kid dodged that too. Tony looked back to see most of The Avengers streaming through the doorway, Cap running towards him first. 

“About time!” He called, hunching over a little. “Kid’s definitely enhanced, might wanna be careful where he grabs.”

Rogers nodded and threw his shield again, and the boy yelled a little. He stuck out his hand and met the spinning edge and- get this- it fucking  _ stuck.  _ He threw the shield to the ground where it kicked up dust with a triumphant smirk in his eyes. He stole the captain’s shield. 

“Wanda!”

“On it!”

Tony saw red plasma floating around her hands as she advanced, but the kid grabbed her wrists and twisted them behind her back. He landed a solid kick to her stomach, which sent her flying back. Clint caught her and flicked out an arrow to notch.  He looked guilty, like even the thought of hurting a kid made him Satan himself. Tony couldn’t afford to sympathize. He fired one of the blasters, delivering a clean blow to the shoulder. The kid stumbled, but nothing else even showed he had been hit. Tony heard Steve shout at him again, but his shot gave Wanda another opening. She pressed a finger to his temple as her eyes went red, and then the kid was screaming.

He thrashed around in Wanda’s grip, and Tony saw tears down her face. He clawed at her hand, shouting in Russian as he was lowered into the dust and dirt. He started to go slack after maybe five minutes, and even longer until he was finally out. Clint helped her stand and held her shoulders as she scrubbed at her eyes, and Tony stepped out at the suit. Now that he was in the open, he could see that Natasha had drawn her gun, but hadn’t stepped in. She wasn’t ready, either. 

“Okay, uh, what the hell?” He asked, and got no answer. 


	2. Chapter 2

The spider’s eyes ached, red painting the inside of its eyelids as it gripped onto the-

It shot up, looking around wildly with an infuriating tone droning on behind it. It was sat on something white, like snow but with no ash in it. Where was the ash, the blood? Why was everything pure, migraine-inducing white? It scratched at its eyes, nearly dry heaving from the sudden  _ bright  _ of it all. Only the doctors wore white, and even then it was stained. White was a sign of a high ranking in people, but the spider was a machine, a weapon. Not an honored official who took skin grafts and gave extra bread if you didn’t squirm. 

The spider didn’t know when someone had entered the room, but the clearing of their throat shot the spider to attention. Its muscles tensed and eyes widened as  _ Tony Stark  _ appeared before it, without his blood-painted exoskeleton. He clicked his tongue, mind going a mile a minute as he scanned the spider. Tony Stark would not find anything, couldn’t find anything for the spider was nothing but a weapon. 

“Hey, kid,” Stark began, folding his arms across his chest. The spider had never seen clothing like the kind Stark was wearing then, gray and well worn with some sort of bright insignia on the chest in orange. The spider knew very little English, only what had been rehearsed and taught, but it knew they were letters. The Avengers symbol, maybe? It recognized the ‘A’. “How’re you feeling?” Stark spoke in a tongue the spider hadn’t ever heard. He wasn’t ordering or reprogramming, so what?

“Отпусти меня, дурак.” The spider spat in retaliation. “Я не знаю, что вы спрашиваете.” 

“Uh,” a sharp breath escaped Stark’s mouth, a soft sound that the spider had heard once or twice. Laughter, but not the kind before it was tied up and corrected. Just… soft. “Didn’t you speak English earlier? You spoke to me.”

“Я не знаю, что вы спрашиваете!” The spider shouted, the annoying pulsing of the machinery picking up speed as it lunged forward. Blood rushed to the front of its brain and made it dizzy. “Вы убийца, я бы не стал слушать!”

Stark hissed and pressed a button on his watch, speaking lowly into it before peeling himself from the room. The spider trilled, pleased with itself and its successful intimidation. It looked around, eyes falling to the needle placed into the back of its hand. What looked like water was flowing through the tube and into the spider’s body, and with a swift tug, it was removed. It didn’t need Stark collecting any of its data. 

The spider’s gaze then flitted to the source of the near blinding light. It was streaming in through the hole in the concrete walls, and when the spider tried to fit its hand through, something solid blocked its way.  _ Glass.  _ The spider had seen glass before, only once. It was one of the walls of the observation room, but this was merely a square. Not very good to see through, you couldn’t even see the entirety of the outside. Maybe… maybe the spider wasn’t being observed here?   
  
  
  


“Absolutely  _ not. _ ” Rogers hissed and gripped Bucky’s hand tighter. Tony sighed, his head in his hands as he tried to explain the situation to the two soldiers. 

“The kid’s only speaking in Russian, Cap, a language  _ Bucky  _ understands but  _ I  _ do not.” 

“Then get Nat to do it!” Steve roared protectively. “She understands it too!” 

“Nat’s still not here, and we need to get this done as soon as possible.” Tony grabbed his coffee mug and took a drink, it only slightly burning the roof of his mouth. “It’ll be five minutes, tops if he cooperates.” 

“ _ If?  _ Tony, that’s too much to-”

“Steve, settle.” Bucky wrapped an arm around the captain’s shoulders and he visually relaxed against the other man. It was incredibly grossly domestic, and Tony fought back a gag at the sight. “I’ll do it. But five minutes only.”

Tony threw a fist in the air, grinning. “Great! Thanks, old man.”

“You forget that I can kick your ass.”

“No, I don’t. This ass is too hot to kick.”  


Tony led Bucky back into the infirmary after a much-too-quiet-to-be-comfortable elevator ride. He opened the door to see the kid pressed against the window, nose a little squished and brown curls pushed away from his head. He rapped his fingers on the wall, and he spun around. Wide eyes narrowed, and  _ anger  _ took over the boy’s features. 

“Предатель,” He hissed, sitting up in the bed and struggling against the clamps FRIDAY fastened around his legs. Fancy hospital beds were the greatest. “ _ Предатель _ ! Вы боретесь с нашей семьей, вы боретесь с нашим отцом. Предатель!  _ Предатель!”  _

Tony took a break from admiring his technology to take in Bucky’s startled appearance and the hope that he would be able to break through to the kid disappeared in an instance. 

“What’s he saying?” Tony asked hurriedly. 

“Callin’ me a traitor, sayin’ that I betrayed HYDRA and his dad.” Bucky’s eyes never left the kids. “Кто твой отец? О чем ты говоришь?”

“Лжец! Ты зимний солдат! Вы предали HYDRA! Лжец!  _ ПРЕДАТЕЛЬ! _ ” 

“Jesus, they really got ‘im,” Bucky was shaking now. “Я больше не зимний солдат. HYDRA это зло.”

“Лжец!” The kid was crying now, veins popping out of his forehead. “Лжец, Лжец Лжец Лжец!”

Steve took Bucky out of the room, a hissed command to  _ call Nat and tell her to get her ass over here  _ was the only thing he left with him. He quickly sent a message to the Black Widow and told FRIDAY to introduce more morphine into his system. A couple of nurses had to come and hold down the boy to reinsert the IV drip. Tony stepped out of the room next, a weight heavier than any arc reactor in his chest. 

HYDRA had done this to a child. A once innocent, hopefully once  _ happy  _ child. Tony didn’t even know where to go from here. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's what the Russian is in English:
> 
> “Let me go, fool.” The spider spat in retaliation. “I do not know what you are asking of me.”
> 
> “I don't know what you're asking!” The spider shouted, the annoying pulsing of the machinery picking up speed as it lunged forward. Blood rushed to the front of its brain and made it dizzy. “You are a killer, I would not listen anyway!"
> 
> “Traitor,” He hissed, sitting up in the bed and struggling against the clamps FRIDAY fastened around his legs. Fancy hospital beds were the greatest. "Traitor! You fight with our family, you fight with our father. Traitor! Traitor!"
> 
> Bucky’s eyes never left the kids. "Who is your father? What are you talking about?"
> 
> “Liar! You are a winter soldier! You betrayed HYDRA! Liar! TRAITOR!"  
“Jesus, they really got 'im,” Bucky was shaking now. “I am no longer a winter soldier. HYDRA is evil."


	3. Chapter 3

Don’t get me wrong, Natasha’s been through a lot of shit in her time. She’s seen the rise and fall of so many talented and kind individuals, but seeing this again? It made her stomach  _ roll.  _

She was supposed to have all these mushy-motherly feelings removed with the rest of her graduation ceremony, but even if that had worked like those bastards had planned she’d still feel awful sitting where she was- across a room from a kid who had no idea what the hell was going on, where he was or why the people he was supposed to kill were being so nice to him. 

The longer she looks at the kid, the more she doesn’t want to. His skin is incredibly pale and ashen, sunken in eyes and hollow cheeks and stone-cold eyes that pierced through hers with a skill that no child should ever even hear of. He’s gangly and his wrists and collarbones stick out like mountains across his body. His shaggy brown hair retained curls and freckles dotted across his nose and cheeks and- and  _ goddamnit  _ he looks like a kid, a  _ boy _ that someone took from the world and ruined, made him so angry and in so much pain. He was a hell of a fighter after all of it, though. 

It had taken her  _ two fucking days  _ with this kid to figure out what HYDRA was really doing with him- two days of back and forth arguing and morphine injections and too many bruises that Natasha  _ most certainly did not  _ gain from trying to hold him down. Two days of little sleep for one conversation that was like the first corner piece of a puzzle. 

  
  


“_You continue to pry at me woman, why?_” He snarked at nearly three in the morning. Nathasha drew a hand over her face and let out a sigh. How many times had they been over this?

“_Until you speak English again, that way I don’t have to translate for you every time you want to run your mouth off at Stark_,” He snorted and rolled his eyes, arms crossed atop his knees where he sat at the farthest end of the bed, the furthest he could get from Natasha. He stayed in that ball for the last two days, and she wouldn’t be surprised if he stayed that way forever. “_We’ve discussed this._”

“_And we’ve also discussed how I can’t_.” He hissed, narrowing his eyes.

“_Why? You did before, I heard it._” Natasha fought to keep a level head, ignoring the building irritation that brought a warm taste to the back of her throat. 

“_Ugh- I cannot tell you! I cannot _ _ physically  _ _speak English anymore- that was a gift!_” 

Natasha halted, thought process short-circuiting at the pain in his voice. She looked up to see his hands in his hair, neck strained and suddenly red.

“_They already hate me talking to you- why would I anger them more by using a gift out of turn!?_” He cried, head jerking to the side with a yelp. Natasha remained in her seat, but now she leaned forward and refused to blink.

_“They gave you the ability to speak English, but then they took it away?_” She asked incredulously, and after a moment, the boy nodded slowly. “_...how_?”

Almost as soon as the word left her lips, he spasmed and cried something  _ awful,  _ something  _ vile  _ that no-one should have to hear. He rammed his tiny, bony wrists against his forehead and then his head against the wall. 

Natasha leapt out of her seat, ready to dash over and restrain him before he stuck a hand out towards her, keeping her where she was. His breaths came heavy and his eyes were wide and trained on her face, but he gave no other indication that he was frightened or taken aback. But that’s all Natasha needed, anyways. She sat back in her seat, closer to the edge with her hands folded in her lap. The boy kept his other hand on his neck, knuckles and palm turning pale from the pressure. 

“_Do you hurt_?” She asked calmly, and he worried a lip in between his teeth. He lowered his hand and then he nodded. 

Natasha took a sharp breath, then cleared her throat. His eyes flashed something uneasy, something untrusting but  _ wanting  _ to trust. “_Can I see_?” she asked, and had to grip onto the chair to keep herself from leaping to his side when he nodded again. 

She stood and walked over to the bedside, where the boy bared his neck to her, exposing the left side. He slowly took his hand away, and revealed a barcode. 

“_What’s with the sudden change of heart_?” She chuckled softly, trying to keep the situation light. He looked back at her, then put a finger to his lips. He pointed to the barcode again, and Natasha lightly grazed it with the pad of her thumb. It was  _ raised,  _ almost like uniform goosebumps that travelled up and down a two inch patch on his skin. 

“_Did the episode you had have something to do with this_?” Another nod. She took her hand away and stepped back to her seat. 

“_Thank you for trusting me,_” she said sincerely. “_I still don’t know why you did so quickly, but-_“

“_I don’t know what you’re talking about._” He hissed, crossing his arms over his body. “_Please leave me, I don’t trust you at all._” He shook his head as he spoke, a soft and forgiving expression on his still-too-pale face. He was lying. Natasha smiled. 

“_Of course_,” She said, then put her hand on the scanner to open the door leading out of his room. “_We’ll crack you one day._” She looked back in time to see him smiling, and that made her heart light for a moment. 

Maybe it was worth the two days after all. 


End file.
